10 Ways to Self-Forgiveness

Compassion exudes our concern for others, and the element that binds us together as human beings. It can be difficult to be compassionate towards others if we do not have self-compassion. Living in a society where filters start with our images, pause with our speech, and end in our thoughts. It is not a wonder to see why we cannot connect with one another when we stunt ourselves from being our truest expression.

Self-forgiveness starts with ourself, but how do we connect with ourself, when we’ve been looking through the rose-filled glasses? When we alter reality from existing as is, we morph it into our own version that suits us best. What we really end up doing is altering our vision, but our unseen part of ourselves known as the subconscious.

Carl Jung proposed a famous psychological idea that the unknown side of us which can be called the “shadow self” has been disowned by our own ego, as it contains parts of our identity that we dislike. How can we become a more whole human being, when we fragment ourself in the fullness of who we are? Many adults, think back to their childhood with faint memories of how they were in the fullest expression of themselves. We are conditioned into this repression of self at an early age, and by adulthood many people can’t even remember the full freedom of who they were. We live in a world of imposed structures and systems, where even our own brain limits our understanding due to an information overload that exists on a quantum level.

You may say gee, where do we go from here when everything has been working against us; including ourselves?! Whatever the reason why you need self-forgiveness whether it be past or present situations that were direct or indirect, facing them is the best choice you can make for your life! Freeing yourself is self-love, and when you love yourself a little more, you can show the world more love and live a more compassionate life.

RISING COMPASSION for our world starts a little closer to home where we look in the mirror see ourselves and our world a little more true north. Let’s work with the lemons we’ve been given, or maybe we are made of limes; but no matter what-we are we are the same fruit of humanity trying to progress and evolve every step of our journey.

I will explain 10 ways that have worked for me towards my own personal journey towards uncovering my shadow side, self-forgiveness, and healing.

  1. Reminding Yourself That We All Are Imperfect

I grew up in my older adolescent years under a home where high expectations were the rule, and quickly adopted the notion of perfectionism into my life. It has taken me years, but nothing was greater than understanding that none of us actually IS perfect. Sometimes we worry about the expectations of family, friends, school or work but it comes from a mindset of comparison. The common denominator in all of the varying situations is the face that we are all growing and evolving moment by moment and day by day.

Why worry about where we fit, or proving ourselves?

We cannot live for the expectations of others, or even ourselves because it focuses on perspectives and that is not something concrete. All we can do is try the best we can, in the power we have and whether that is good enough for ourselves or others we can live in a mindset of accomplishment that we truly are doing what we can. I sometimes hear people say “Sorry, my house is messy-please excuse it” among many other excuses, or apologies so that another human being may feel put at ease from their judgements. The funny thing is we actually make people more aware of our faux paux when we do this, and we do not actually change the way people are thinking regardless of doing this or not. Perhaps, it is an apology to ourself because we haven’t lived up to our own expectations.

I believe that living in a 1st world nation we look for problems that don’t really exist, and having a healthy perspective really does away with any perfectionist philosophy. We could have much poorer health, or not have access to water-and if real problems existed we wouldn’t be looking at the comfort of others, because we would be more interested in survival. This new idea of survival is self-imposed by our society that holds each other to ranking, and the problem with that is that none of our going to get out of this world alive. We won’t be able to take any of this material world with us, and when we remind ourselves of the fleeting existence it puts light on the perspective that high expectations of any kind are truly futile in the long-term.

Knowing that everything is temporary, makes us appreciate all the good and even the bad in our lives knowing that one day it will all be gone. Gratitude shows us a more laid-back mentality that no matter what, we can find the good in anything! Let’s shift!

2. Living for NOW (The Past and Future Live Elsewhere in Time)

The past comes crawling in to remind us of where we have been, and sometimes it isn’t always a good thought. The future begs for us to make moves now, and thinking of it can even cause paralysis of the mind of the great triumph that needs to exist to get there. Reflection is good to learn, grow, and discover facets of ourself that we may not have been aware of when the past WAS our present. Projecting into the future with present plans and actions is great in order to accomplish and become our best version of ourselves. Thinking heavily in any extreme can cause fantasy of the mind that put feelings into existence that may have not otherwise existed in our present. Zen Buddhism is fast becoming a trend with our information overloaded society we are all looking for an outlet to get ourselves back into the NOW.

We cannot be who we were, or be who we think we are going to be because all we have IS now. We are exactly where we need to be at this time, and connecting to it in that empty space makes us feel alive! Adult life can become so busy that we don’t just simply exist. We seem to always be doing something, and will our time constantly filled it can make it very hard to live in the now.

Meditation is the quickest way to get us out of our monkey brain that has been proven to be quite circular in thinking. It is said that roughly 80% of our thoughts are negative, and 95% of our thoughts are repetitive. Thinking up to 60,000 thoughts a day as you can imagine could be quite the mental, physical, and emotional exhaust if the wiring is off circuit.

It can get overwhelming to even think to meditate in today’s world, and the varying types of meditation. There is guided meditation, binaural beats that send the brain into frequency meditation, silent, or focused. I find that all meditation suggests something that not all people can or even want to do, and that’s make time away from your time in order to do this-myself included.

I personally think that meditation can be done anywhere, at any time, and does not necessarily need to be done with the above suggestions. What I am talking about is teaching our mind to become detached! When a thought circulates whether you are working, running, or sitting create or listen to a voice that says “Let go, (your name)!” If that is too difficult, and you find yourself focusing even more on the thought then choose a trick for your mind which is to redirect. Have a bank of thoughts you DO want to redirect your focused energy to and watch as you slowly begin to change your mind.

It is really powerful to know that we are literally made up of energy. We all know this is scientifically proven, and a cool experiment is when we touch our hand on a fuzzy radio or television receptor and find that our own body’s electrical energy improved the quality! It is easy to forget how powerful we really are, and it all begins in our mind.

We can only be who we are right now in this very moment, and we have the ability to transform the past and future with how we think right now which thereby can alter our body, and soul. Get in the NOW to be your fullest self possible.

3. Compare Yourself Gently

Let’s be real, competition is natural; look in the world and you will find this a natural order in the animal and plant word alike. It’s no wonder it’s a part of our very nature, and as much as we have a liking or disliking; it is here to stay. Can we really blame ourselves the need to discuss all the other bullet points in the article I’m writing since we all know that competition is very real? Not only do we compare ourselves to ourself, but we compare ourselves to others as well. I wonder if our child-self would approve of the adult version of who we’ve become? You hear the stories of how people have gone so far from their truest natures because of this very point alone. We learn to adapt, change, and grow whether it be good or bad in order to survive, thrive in this drive we are all on this journey we call life.

We are usually comparing ourselves to ourself or to others because we are not currently content with our reality as it exists. Change can happen fast or slow, but it seems to always exist in persistence. Whether we are open or closed to change, the better we adapt to changes the more opens up in general. Sometimes in our life it seems we are closed off to any changes and it can feel that our reality is going to exist forever. Cycles exist for our growth, and when things repeat it is a barometer for testing whether we want to continue on with our current reality or if we are ready for the next level, to climb one stair higher on our journey. When we are ready, and say “No” to those things we do not want to exist in our reality we are saying “Yes” to something else called the unknown.

We have the ability for changes in these cyclical patterns, and can supersede this matrix of thought by tapping into one of the oldest universal laws known as the Law of Attraction. By actively thinking of who we want to be, where we want to be, why we want to be, what we want to be we decide the WHEN, when we answer those questions in very specific thought patterns and action-oriented energy as though it already exists.

A practical view we can have about comparison is that it exists for a reason! It is asking for a change, but sometimes we always seek change and perhaps we also need to teach ourselves to be content where we are no matter where that is; only we know whether we need to change, want to change, or must learn that rather to change, we need to be content with the right now. The answer will be different for each of us, but we can all look outside of ourself within to see where which is the answer for our own life.

We must think about where our decisions come from and to what we living for, or rather worshipping? Where we place our time is what we unknowingly or knowingly “worship” and we must think about if it is aligned with our highest selves? What do we value, and does our external life support that? Where did these values originate and what purpose does it seek? When we compare ourselves to ourself or others, which voice is speaking to us and what version of “you” is the one speaking?

It is equally important to find gratitude in who you are and be gentle with all of the facets of you that exist; flawed and all- as it is equally important to grow and evolve from your past self into your current self and future with purpose living by your highest valued free-thinking voice that speaks from within.

4. Free Yourself from Attachment

I recently met someone who had an interesting philosophy in life, they shared that when they become dependent on something they switch it up because they don’t like that they have become dependent to the thought, feeling, activity, or thing. I usually hear people talking about this when it comes to bad things, but not good! What a great philosophy of thought. When we remove ourself from the attachment of dependency we not only give our best selves, but we don’t give ourself the luxury of complacency.

Growing gratitude is a daily activity that creates neutrality that is truly uplifting! When we start thinking in a more neutral thought process towards what we feel most connected to, we actually open ourself up to more possibilities and opportunities in our life since we are not living in a locked energetic pattern which begins in our mind. Imagine we observe our pasts but don’t attach it to our identity. Imagine we observe our present but don’t attach it to our identity. Life will become much easier, more free, and open when we don’t attach, because it begins to weigh down our identity.

Why do we attach? Because it gives us purpose, value, and connection. We WANT to feel connected, otherwise it would be a scary thought to be a free-flowing being connected to nothing grounded to none of it. However, thinking in a way that is more detached is healthier to our ego and brings us back to our truest self which is that child-like spirit. Truth be told that we cannot take any of this with us, so we do not need to walk around life with heavy baggage that we have been taking everywhere that we go. I’m not saying be detached in the sense of complete disconnection, because that would cause a LOT of problems in life with that sole way of thinking. I am more speaking of the idea that no matter what is in or out of your life, you will be okay and find a sense of contentment regardless.

Things work out, and sometimes they don’t. We have people in our lives, then sometimes we don’t. Wealth may come, and wealth may go along our journey. A healthy detachment to circumstance allows us to live in a creative space of the unknown that seems to scare many of us out of our minds. Take notice to the chaos that exists naturally such as that of a forrest; it has branches and twigs everywhere, leaves intertwined everywhere, broken and dead objects and life and growth. Chaos is the natural order in the universe, and we humans seek control; taking wood from trees carving it in such a way for pristine wood flooring, cabinetry, and the furniture that exists in structural aesthetic that is a more pleasing, costly versions of the natural versions we see in nature or so we tell ourselves.

Control is what we seek to feel comfort, it stems into the various attachments that we call “life” and when we let go of this control, and realize that we have very little control at all we can be more free, happy, and content to know that we may have it all or nothing at all and everything is going to be okay, and even if it isn’t; it still is!

5. Negative Emotions Exist to Help

Believe it or not anger and sadness are just a few negative emotions that people don’t want to talk about, but these emotions are a healthy barometer on what our inner self is asking us! When negative emotions arise we live in such a society that if you experience any emotions on the darker end of the spectrum they are to be silenced, disguised, or suppressed in a way that society finds “more acceptable.” For much of my life, I too have felt progressively worse in negative emotions due to the nature of our world.

It is actually pretty unhealthy when we turn our cheek to these emotions and say that humans are healthy when they are happy, that too is simply an emotion! Why do we choose to focus on “good vibes” only when we have ALL the vibes? They are all equally important and having more or less of some does not make anyone healthier or less unhealthy, better or worse in my opinion. When we form these attachments and judge them we are only experiencing a quarter of the emotion and what is really below the surface. Even happiness has a darker side which most people don’t care to uncover.

When we listen to our emotions it is asking us something, and in particular our negative ones are saying it’s time to change! It could even be a warning to our soul! This in turn is actually very positive and we are lucky to have such emotions to let us know that something else is going on that we need to pay attention a little more closely. Whether we are discontent, misaligned, or in danger to our health, if we ask ourselves why we feel the way we do, and go down the rabbit hole, we will uncover their is much more than meets the eye on the other side.

I meet a lot of people who are fearful of this one in particular, but if we can accept this nature in ourselves that we all are imperfect and all experience this end of the spectrum, it makes it actually a lot more normal to understand that it is a guiding factor more so than an attack on our very fragile and deluded identity.

Anger is a great motivator, sadness brings empathy, and fear asks for some specific action. Let us listen more from the outside in, rather than the inside out as we are little too close to the project of this body that confuses ego and soul so easily. It’s not only okay to have negative emotions, but it makes us human and we are lucky for these signals to call us to something more!

6. Positive Affirmations

We are made of mostly water, and water is known to not only hold memories, but do a whole lot more like transform into several forms that either create or destroy the planet. If we look at the powerful nature of water, we can see what power we have within! Speaking of nature, and the animal kingdom it only takes a quick trip to a park or a trail hike to notice that animals are on guard for their very survival of the fittest in the truest sense. We too are animals, evolved at the top of the food chain still with the instinct of survival of the fittest. Why then do we think so many negative thoughts as discussed in point number 2 Living for the Now (The Past and Future Live Elsewhere in Time). I like to remind myself that I am still an animal, and it seems we are all in other forms or other thinking about survival when we boil down all human actions and thought to as Einstein says is either Fear or Love, and the best mode we can to “survive” or rather thrive.

Our default is judgement and judgement is negative, closed off and how we control in our minds and understand our world. We literally lie to ourselves in our mind, because this world exists with an information overload more than our brains can handle so it tells us something OTHER than what actually exists. If we know that we are already doing this is in nature, we can also know that we have an immense power to drastically change our reality in whatever way we so desire. People know about the six degrees of separation, and about the 12 laws of the universe that give us the power to use to our advantage as alchemy masters of our own reality!

Start by honing into your power by speaking affirmations into existence. The Law of Vibration will tune you into the frequency that you are, so be that what you wish and you will get more of it, and as much as your heart, mind, body and soul can handle. If you don’t think you are so great at something, say that you are! Believe it without a doubt, because fear and love cannot coexist and we must choose in every thought we have.

We all learn in different ways and we all have different motivators. Only you know you best, so the best thing to do for yourself is to be your own cheerleader in the language that speaks to your soul. Are you better at listening to words that you wrote, or spoke outloud, or recorded and listened to them? All are equally powerful, and if you can do all 3 then you’re on your way to manifesting anything, anyone, etc.

This world is truly infinite and time is manmade, when we remember that we really are supremely powerful, we can start small and see with our own eyes the miracles that will begin, and snowball into miracles upon miracles down a hill of ease rolling into the next moment with wind in our hair and sun shining down on us, peace and bounty filled!

7. Build Your Tribe

The Southern saying “Get in where you fit in,” yeah it’s real and couldn’t be more true. If you feel misaligned where you are, you really might be! I had to move out of state to find my tribe, but that doesn’t mean you can do that nor want to do something drastic in your life as a move across the country. It may not even mean your tribe is with the people around you, but something else in this world; regardless we all have a need to feel validated and accepted for who we are!

You don’t always need others, and in the adult world where loneliness is a real feeling that we can all connect with; we may not ever feel we fully fit anywhere and I truly feel that too. It’s because we have a higher feeling than this world, and even ourselves because we came to this world with a body but we are much more, and all of our 5 senses tell us that we need more and so must become that to feel truly satisfied.

We want to belong, somewhere, anywhere, everywhere. We want to be valued, with purpose and drive. Some people claim they are fine without this, but deep down we all have a sense of this even if it is ever so slight. We are social beings and we came forth with great power in unity rather than isolation and just like animals that are poorly socialized we too can become dysfunctional from our nature when we don’t feed ourselves that which we require for health and happiness. Community is important to us, and even myself who leans more on the hermit spectrum requires some sense of community.

The great thing about living in a connected world by the internet is the amazing opportunity to connect with others that have never been possible by previous generations!! I truly believe that every human being on this planet is highly valued, and has gifts that they were created to give for this world and it makes me feel called to do something about this when I see so many of us just living and not able to give of our highest selves the legacy to the world that is in our soul.

There are groups online, and offline and if not you are able to CREATE them. “If you build it, he will come (or they for that matter!)” I am really excited to know how many unique people can thrive if their is just one person to face their fear and be the leader for those just like them, looking and searching for their tribe of people just like them. The reason we feel disconnected if we are especially different is because of the news and media throughout societies of the world that are selling us the idea and non-reality of a homogenized existence of muted human beings that are domesticated to their true selves!

Let us be wild, free, unique and filled with purpose and value again to offer this world in our own ways that speak to our individual souls calling. There are so many resources that we have access to, to build aspects of ourself so that we can connect to others who really need to connect, that kind of power together in our individual groups truly is unity in diversity.

Remember that you are you for a reason, and there is no other blueprint on this earth quite like you. Each fingerprint different, like the aspects of your personality embrace it all and watch as collectively we all start becoming our more real selves.

8. Be a Stoic Rock

No matter the good and bad, the ups and the downs, one thing remains is you the constant source of the you that exists on this planet. Stoicism has gotten a bad reputation for being the removed assholes of society like a stiff rock no matter what the occasion. Stoicism is such a prevalent aspect of my life, that I even have a tattoo on my forearm to remind me of how great it really is to think in such a philosophy.

I think of it as a very positive aspect to remain a rock. Whether you are weathered by the water that washes you, cracks you from the heat of the earth, you still remain what you are a rock, steady in the mode of who you are. Nothing can truly break you, make you, or take you from who you are! Very simply, it means that no matter what hardship you endure their is no complaint about it just picking up that broken axle wheel, taping it on your car the best you can (in my case since I can’t fix cars) and going along your journey with the sun shining out your ass.

One day I was at work on 3 hours of sleep, and a coworker looked at me and asked me how I was and said “I’m tired, but gonna get a coffee and wake up.” She then started to complain to me that she wished she had an extra hour of sleep, by which I told her I had only 3. She was amazed I wasn’t complaining to everyone around me, and I was even smiling. I don’t really see a point of dumping out any of my garbage on others, especially if the purpose has no purpose at all.

I’m not saying to never complain, maybe that’s what people think of stoics is that they have zero complaints at all. Sometimes we NEED to complain for our voices to be heard, and not silenced but in that mode we are not complaining but expressing ourself with purpose if we do offer a solution or seek a solution. I think if we all change our perception to a more stoic outlook we will have LESS to complain about knowing how much worse anything could be at any time, and the non-effective lower-thinking ways of expressing complaint for the sake of complaint.

I believe we are all MUCH stronger than we think we are, and it all begins in the mind. I didn’t think to myself “Oh, no I have only 3 hours a day how will I get through it,” I did think in this way “I got 3 hours of sleep.” When we see things more matter of factly rather than a personal attack on our lives we are choosing to be more neutral and much more productive and content with our lives and can give to others instead of take!

9. Get Out of Your Mind


The only thing we know how to do is be inside of ourselves because it’s where we were born, exist and die-we know no other reality unless their are shape shifters out there that I’m highly unaware of, which may very well be a possibility since I think anything is possible. We are pretty bias then, to our life because it’s all we really know-language is meek way of attempting to be understood when no human can TRULY understand you due to the nature that we all live within ourselves.

Our original language before language was telepathy, which is pretty cool but we are not there anymore except maybe a handful of people or select moments in our live or in the case of mothers and children to name a few examples. We understand our world by our language in which we think in the culture that exists around us, or that we were raised in speaking to our consciousness with this collective consciousness.

Sometimes we have become so us, we don’t even know who we are! What I mean by that is that, our language and culture speak to us in a platform we shape to form understanding of all that exists circulating in our mind in the thoughts that repeat in our heads of not only and understanding of the world around us, but understanding of ourselves and who we all really are. Whether we feel solid in our identity, or lost we still only exist to ourselves IN ourselves. Identity is an inside job from the outside in, or rather inside out as some parents believe we are pre-written beings.

To uncover our identity further, and forgive the aspects of ourself that we do not like we can step outside ourselves to see the world as is without ourselves mixing things up. Taking time to observe with out thought, feelings, or emotions with as little judgement as possible allows us to view our world in a way that is more neutral and not filled with control. When we can view our world in a more neutral way we have stepped outside of ourselves, detached from our identity and in that space we can understand others and when we understand and listen to others we can listen to ourselves and see more of who we really are.

Stepping outside of ourself, allows us to forgive our shortcomings, and see ourself from a perception of who we are based on our actions, and from a more neutral space can we see where we need growth the most.

10. Give of Yourself

What better gift is there than to give of yourself? We are both givers and takers, and both are necessary to not live on either spectrum of extremes and live a balanced life. Societies that place so much pressure on individualism can make it appear that we live on an island, paddling the boat with the two oars in our hand alone. When you give, it is a message to the universe that you are helping open a door for another person that was not opened before no matter if you help them with money, time, gifts, or other.

Not only does it feel to open a door for another person but the laws of the universe also understand the kind intent and will open a door for you! We really do uplift our lives by uplifting others. The same token is said that when we take from others, or take away; what we are really doing is taking away from ourselves in the long haul. Although a temporary existence, who wouldn’t want to leave a good legacy on the earth!

Sometimes we are all so focused on self-help/self-growth that all of this can happen in a very strong way by connecting more, giving of ourselves more, and doing those things that exist in our mind. I think that most people that strive towards self-help want to be not only better for themselves, and have health, wealth, and happiness but they want that for others too.

How can we grow ourselves but not give to others, would be a pretty selfish existence; this is something I have been realizing in my own journey of self-help. We can focus on ourselves as much as we want, but what good will it do if we don’t give to others what we are attempting to give to ourselves? I compare it to the idea of people thinking they are a good Christian, but don’t act that way towards others.

We can have a rosy view of ourselves, and appreciate our own self-growth but have we really grown when we do not share with others, or help others, or give in some realm to others? Forgiveness starts with ourself so that we can forgive others which leads to our self-love and RISING COMPASSION for others in the world. Uncovering our shadow side, and accepting others for their sides is the best gift you can give someone, you are saying “I love you unconditionally” and in that you will find great healing.

Self-love, grows to outward love, where accepting ourselves is accepting others and healing culminates when we can give to others so that they too can lead along a path of the same domino effect that will encompass the hearts of the world in the most beautiful way!

Published by Gina di Caro

Italian/German American woman, raised in the Midwest with a Japanese diet with a hippie free-thinking family who are entrepreneurs that accomplished the American dream! Texan implant, Massage Therapist of 10 years with a hell of a lot of tattoos on my body. Space cadet of the century, I'm all over the place with passion filled enough to run a million marathons without stopping. I'm on a legacy rampage to speak with a strong voice and teach others to do so too, so we can all listen more to ourselves and live our highest calling in this life. Let's share our journey with others so that we become a connected entity of people, ready for anything and all!

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